By Harris Bloom
"Will the Real Richard Stein Please Stand Up?"
It was recently announced that The (World Famous) Comic Strip would no longer be holding open auditions. This is a sad day for comics like me who looked forward to the semi-annual opportunity to perform for the club's booker, and hear how we sucked. We'd all get in line on the specified date, pick a date out of the hat, and come back to perform on that evening's show. I'd get quite nervous going up, as getting passed by The Comic Strip can really put you on the comedic map. The last time I auditioned, I was nervous just signing up...
One of my comedy buds, "Richard Stein," was busy with a comedy class he was taking so he couldn't make it to the club to sign up. Knowing that they just take your info and give you a date, he asked me if I knew anyone who wanted to make some quick dough. Enter my work-friend, "Mike."
Mike agreed, for fifty bucks, to wait in line with me, and get Rich his audition date. I gave him Rich's info - phone number, e-mail address, home address - and told him to put Rich's phone number in his cell just in case he forgets his own number. He refused to convert to Judaism and shave his head to facilitate the deception.
We got in line at 5:15 (already about 100 comics there)...and stalking the line is Stewart Alberts, one of the managers from the New York Comedy Club. He was using the Comic Strip auditions to get phone numbers of comics to call to do "bringer shows" at his club. Stewart greets me but doesn't take my info since we've talked before, and he knows I wouldn't be interested. Then he approaches Rich/Mike....
Stewart - Hi, don't think I know you, I'm Stewart Alberts, manager at the New York Comedy Club.
Rich/Mike - Hi, "Richard Stein."
Stewart (thinking) - Didn't we meet before?
Rich/Mike (nervous) - No, I don't think so
Stewart (frowning) - Your name sounds familiar, but you look different (note - I swear that's what he said)
Rich/Mike (more nervous) - nope...not me
Stewart - Okay, well, gimmee your phone number and we'll call you for auditions to our club (note: Stewart's idea of an "audition" if for you to bring people to the club and him telling you that you need more practice...so bring more people)
Rich/Mike - Okay, it's...ummm...917-...ummm (retrieving cell phone) - I just got a new number and I can't remember it - okay - it's 917-816-1050...wait! 1030...yeah 917-816-1030
By the time he spit it out, Stewart was looking at me with a "Is this guy for real?" look.
After Stewart moved on, I texted Rich, "You might wanna steer clear of the New York Comedy Club for the next few months."
-- Harris Bloom
Psst: See Mr. Bloom's blogging situation.
