Dan Kennedy Blog Thing: ReallySmallTalk.com:

Firstly, for those of you who think I'm speaking of Lim "Taco" Nyphuk's moving to Ohio, you're wrong. I don't have any emotions about that. And for those of you who think I'm talking about Tim Kell, you should know that Tim is off working as an order filler in Oregon and trying to convince the hippies whom employ him and have a small and integral brand of granola in Portland that they should share Tim's non-stop -- if ultimately disheartening -- appetite for commerce, lucre, and corporate structure.

No, I'm talking about Jacobus from the 14th century. He discovered youtube somehow. From that day on, he was around fairly often, checking in and letting folks know what he had been up to lately and spreading the news of his record breaking running.

He was gone once for a month, jailed, it turned out. But he returned that time. He's never been gone this long.

When someone you're close to just vanishes, it's difficult to take. It's been months. If any good has come of it I can only think it's this: Now I finally know how Keiffer Sutherland's character felt in the 1993 movie that changed the way my generation looked at things like the loss of a friend and love interest played by a then still undiscovered Sandra Bullock. I speak, obviously, of The Vanishing.

Jacobus, we will wait. And wait, and wait, and wait.

-DSK

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THE SCARED STRAIGHT TALKS

My Uncle Sat Me Down and Spoke To Me When I Was Failing High School

By Dan Kennedy

“You better quit worrying about what’s cool, fool. Because you’re about to be left out in the cold. So, you’re going to be so cool that you’re out in the cold.”

“You’re pretty happy with that closer, aren’t you?”

“What?”

“The ’so cool that you’re cold’ line at the end”

“I hadn’t planned on that, but...yeah, that just sort of, that works, doesn't it? It just kind of came out.”

(long pause)

“You know what the average income is of somebody who doesn’t finish school? It’s pretty damn average, I can tell you that. Is that what you want? An average income and an average life?”

“Well…I mean, yeah, that doesn’t sound so....”

“Don’t get smart.”

“I’m not! You just asked me if I would like to earn a living, basically. And yes, I would like to make at least an average living.”

“I meant, below average. You know what I meant, damn it.”

“Let me ask you this: what the hell are you going to do if your writing doesn’t work out?”

“I don’t know. I guess I’d do the same thing I would do if, say, teaching or working in an advertising agency, or whatever, didn’t work out. I’d start over with a new idea or goal, that’s just life.”

“Right, but…”

“But what? What will you do if engineering doesn’t work out? You’ll start over, right?”

“Okay, forget that. What would you do if you got cancer or something?”

“That doesn't even...wait. What?”

“Do better in school, damnit. That's the point.”

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FILE UNDER: Pharmaceutical alternative

I say go see Paris, Je T'aime. Then listen to Gaijin a Go-Go songs "Go Go Bootist" and "123"over and over again. Loudly in headphones. This at around 2:13AM. Eat too much sugar, ponder love. Rue death. Curse time. Put off writing anything new again but maybe stay up for the sunrise. But before you sleep and maybe even right when you wake up, watch the SuperOptimist spots. On the contrary. A new best friend. Respect the pineapple. And hope that all of this combined with candy is the antidote and the fix. Oh, you Paris Gaijin SuperOptimistic Sweet Tart, You.

OK -DSK

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Mature Normal Wordsearch!

As you probably know, ReallySmallTalk receives over 65 Million unique visitors a week. In the last month, over 140,000 readers have emailed in asking for one thing: a mature, normal wordsearch puzzle that can be done by millions of affluent, tech-savvy members of the ReallySmallTalk demographic. When the site's demographic isn't being heavily courted by America's top brands, they're busy spending disposable income in the luxury brands sector, or modeling. And in between doing those things, they like to do word puzzles. The way this one works is simple: click on the image to see the puzzle, then find the words listed below. If you're the passenger in a Mercedes S550 and you'd like to do the Mature Normal Wordsearch on an interstate commute, simply click on the image and print it out to take with you with a pen. If you're sitting in a twenty-three story beach house made out of Waterford® crystal simply click on the image and then view it on the best titanium Mac laptop ever made, and write your answers down on your family's stationery. If you see poor people doing the puzzle, please shame them. The same goes for people who can't model for a living.

- DSK

WORD LIST:

malcontent
regretfully
ticonderoga
hermaphrodite
languid
addiction
misdemeanor
truss
deadened
taffy
rotgut
salve
isolation
sinew
jurisdiction
undergarment
demise
fecund
hump
lurch
heave
Bryce
crotch
Kristin
hobbyist
cranky
Dorito
nasal
butterscotch
crimping

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PHOTO: Hello El Rey Theater

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RANDOM NOTES

Your toe, scaly by your account, proves amusing on highway.

Woodchuck, upchuck, chuck it; no wonder he’s going by Charles.

Somehow deafening yet inaudible, these tiny demands that our lives change for the better starting now.

Glib observation about a celebrity; still the most popular way to reach out in a lull.

You don’t want to kill your television. That’s just terrible, to act like that would be okay to do.

Can the inexperienced achieve transcendental states and wind up someplace worse than where they were to start with?

Mr. Whitman’s legacy celebrated here in the form of highway rest stop. You can’t argue that it’s not a positive association with the name after twelve hours on the road.

The more you abstain from, the more you get. It’s completely counter intuitive.

When Harry Met Sally styled accommodating dialogue; dated and measured, sure, but still a popular default mode of conversation between two genders.

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