Dan Kennedy Blog Thing: ReallySmallTalk.com

FEEL WHOLE AGAIN

Photographic proof of the healing properties arrived today from reader Hilary McHone. If all of you sent along things this sweet, ReallySmallTalk intern Lim Nyphuk wouldn't weep when he drinks alone.

STORE

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COPERNICUS, SATAN, IN CAHOOTS

One would think there was enough to do without staying up until 3:00AM watching a Metallica documentary while doing MadLibs® online. Yes, one would think exactly that. And, sadly, one would be right.

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REALLYSMALLTALK'S TIPS FOR GOOD LIVING

HOW TO MEET SOMEBODY YOU LOVE

The general rule of thumb here is that if you have not already, you’re simply not lonely enough.

HOW TO TRAVEL EUROPE ON TWENTY DOLLARS A DAY

While in Europe, sleep twenty-two hours a day in public places seated upright wearing sunglasses. Wake and order a sensibly priced meal, then off to catch some shut-eye.

HOW TO RAISE A TOAST

Wait until a point in the dinner when you need to drink so badly that you’re bashful about the quantity of alcohol you now need to ingest in front of other people. Raise glass in anticipation of eventually not being able to feel the skin on your own head and face, let alone the awkward feelings these guests give you. Say something nice and vague about the evening to these people before you start, keeping in mind that they are going to watch you lose all feeling in your neck and eyes over the next three hours while you stare at their spouses.

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VIDEO GAMES THAT HAVE SOLD POORLY

by Dan Kennedy

Superintendent Mario

Legend of Steve

Tony Hawk’s Personal Assistant 3

Harry Porter and The Chamber of Commerce

NBA 2003: The Alleged Sexual Incident

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THE REALLYSMALLTALK THANKSGIVING CROSSWORD!

Just in time for the holiday! Simply click on the images below to view your full size puzzle and clues. Guys: do the crossword onscreen with lipstick, drunk and alone! Ladies: it's printable, you know -- in case you've got a long drive with the family. (Warning: Puzzle not appropriate for children under the age of 26.) -- Dan Kennedy, Editor/Internet Owner

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GOOD MORNING. FINISH YOUR COFFEE, AND KILL THAT JUICE.

Mentioned this before (see item #1), and this will be the last of it. Just want to say that every now and then there are those moments when people are so fundamentally good, that it can almost move you to tears. Sometimes the emotional feeling is just from staying up till 3:00AM keying in punctuation changes on a manuscript, but, still, there's no denying it's a good feeling about people that you're having.

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My friend Diane works her way through the 100 greatest novels of all time

by Martin Bihl

• It was short and I understood it.

• The illustration on the cover doesn’t tell the whole story.

• I thought it was a different book, but it was okay.

• I don’t think I read it. Wait, is that the one with the pig? Oh yeah, I read it. Good pig.

• It was very believable, if you like that kind of thing.

• I didn’t like anyone in it, not even for a minute. Hey! That rhymes!

• I think if the author has a big mole on his forehead, the “author photo” should be optional.

• I don’t know why I keep reading his books – I never like them and they’re heavy.

• Can romanticism truly exist in a post-modernist world, and if not, why go on living in a future more bleak than anything the existentialists posited in such post-war classics as “La Chute” and “Huis Clos”? This is the central question that weaves its way through this, at times Brechtian, at times downright Proustian, novel which is to be commended, if for no other reason, than for the shear breadth of it’s characterizations, a feat that would leave Dickens and Faulkner blushing. Mostly, though, it just gave me something to do until my sister returned my “Friends” DVDs.

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WEEKEND REPORT

by Mike Topp

ASK UNCLE TRIVIA

Q. How did Tinpan Alley get its name?

A. The “alley” part comes from the resemblance of the narrow street to a passage between buildings. As for the “Tinpan” part, —who knows?

OVERHEARD PHRASE

“A flock of false teeth.”

UNTITLED

I wonder who won that football game I don't care about?

CHEERING THE MONSTER INSIDE ME

Hooray, Monster! Go, Monster!
Come on, Monster! Yes, Monster!
We’re with you, Monster! Yay,
Monster! Go, Monster, go!

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The First ReallySmallTalk Word Search!

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THE ESSENTIAL MESSAGE OF LIM NYPHUK'S MOM'S CRAFTING GROUP

Get in the way of what we do on Thursday and Sunday evenings and we will kill you; by the time you know what hit you, you'll have a knee in your back, a boot on your face, and an eye full of pepper spray. You screw with the crafting group, you go home bleeding inside and it'll be three months until you remember what it's like to take a leak without the aid of a catheter.

Try us, you fu**ing stump.

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